Who you can talk to

Why this matters

A case can last a year or more, and you will want to talk about it. Almost everything you say, text, email, or post can be asked about under oath. Without a lawyer, you have no one to speak with in confidence.

This is general information, not legal advice.

Keep the case to yourself

Do not discuss your case with anyone except a lawyer. That means friends, family, partners, coworkers, former coworkers, online groups, and the press. It includes texts, emails, posts, and private messages.

Here is why. Those conversations are not privileged. The other side can ask you, under oath, whom you talked to and what you said. It can ask those people the same questions, and it can call them as witnesses. A friend's memory of a late-night conversation can come into evidence. You cannot later prove that a conversation went differently, or did not happen.

You still need support. Talk with the people close to you about how you feel, not about the evidence, the other side, or your plans. "It's a hard week, and I'd rather not talk about the details" is a complete answer.

Assume it can come in

Apart from a lawyer you consult, assume any conversation, text, or post can be asked about. Even people who support you can be deposed.

Arbitrators are not bound by the formal rules of evidence. AAA Rule R-33(a) says "Following the legal rules of evidence shall not be necessary." Do not count on a technical rule to keep your words out.

What is privileged and what is not

Lawyers

Attorney-client privilege needs a lawyer. If you are representing yourself, there is no lawyer on your side to speak to in confidence. A consultation with a lawyer, including a legal aid lawyer, is generally protected. Talking to a non-lawyer at a helpline or advocacy group may not be, so ask about confidentiality before you share details.

Therapists and doctors

Communications with a licensed psychotherapist are privileged in the federal courts under Jaffee v. Redmond, 518 U.S. 1 (1996). The Supreme Court noted there that every state has some form of psychotherapist privilege, though the details differ. The protection can depend on how you plead damages. A broad emotional distress claim can open the door. Keeping your claims narrow gives you the best chance of keeping treatment private, though courts differ. Chapter 7 explains the choice. Talk to your clinician about your feelings. Keep case strategy to yourself, and do not make your clinician a witness.

Everyone else

Friends, family, coworkers, mentors, and online groups are not privileged. This is the general rule, and we did not rely on a specific case for it. Any of them can be asked about your mood, your habits, and what you told them.

Keep your confidant list short. Pick one or two people for support, and keep case details out of those talks.

Work product

Lawyers get protection for materials they prepare for the case. The federal rule, FRCP 26(b)(3), covers materials prepared for litigation by a party or its representative. Whether that protects a self-represented person's notes and drafts is unsettled. We did not verify any Second Circuit or New York decision on the point. Treat your notes as discoverable unless an arbitrator tells you otherwise.

Social media

1. Do not post or comment about the case, your employer, your health, or your job search.
2. Do not delete existing posts. Deletion can look like concealment and can be treated as destroying evidence.
3. If you are worried about old posts, change the settings to private. Do not erase them.
4. Do not speak to the press while the case is open. Wait until it ends and you have read your settlement agreement. Public statements can be used as admissions and may break confidentiality terms.

The other side

Talk to the other side's lawyer in writing, or in a scheduled call followed by a short recap email. Oral statements are easy to dispute.

Do not contact the employer's current employees about the case. They may be witnesses, they may report to the employer, and the rules about contacting people connected to a represented party can apply in ways that are hard to predict. Rules for self-represented parties differ from the rules for lawyers. Contact can lead to complaints, motions, or tainted testimony. If you need a witness, ask in writing or use a subpoena or deposition notice.

Do not repeat confidential material to friends. That includes mediation statements, settlement terms, and documents covered by a protective order. Some confidentiality is contractual, some is statutory, and some is neither, so read the agreement you signed.

Recording conversations

Check the law before you press record. A violation can be a crime in some states.

Federal and New York

Federal law, 18 U.S.C. 2511(2)(d), makes it lawful for a person who is a party to a conversation, or who has one party's consent, to record it. There is an exception if the recording is made for the purpose of committing a criminal or tortious act.

New York follows a one-party rule. Penal Law 250.05 makes eavesdropping a class E felony. The definitions in Penal Law 250.00 reach recording a telephone call "without the consent of either the sender or receiver," and recording an in-person conversation "without the consent of at least one party thereto, by a person not present thereat." A participant who records is not covered by those definitions.

All-party states

Some states require every party to consent. The Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press lists these as primarily all-party states, in its recording guide checked on 2026-10-15.

• California, Delaware, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Washington.
• Mixed rules. Missouri and Oregon (all parties for in-person, one party for phone). Connecticut and Nevada (all parties for phone, one party for in-person).

The guide shows no revision date and may be several years old. Michigan's courts disagree on participants. Delaware's laws conflict. Read your state's statute before relying on this list.

Calls across state lines

If you and the other person are in different states, be cautious. A safe approach is to follow the stricter state's rule and ask for consent on the recording. No case was verified on which state's law applies, so treat this point as open.

Good habits and hard limits

• If you record a call with opposing counsel or HR where the law allows it, say so at the start and keep the original file untouched.
• Preserve the raw original. Never produce an edited or cleaned copy. Chapter 7 explains why.
• Do not record therapy sessions, lawyer meetings, or conversations you are not a party to.

Checklist

• No case talk with anyone except a lawyer.
• Support people told you will talk about feelings, not the case.
• Confidant list kept short.
• No posts about the case, and no deleting old posts.
• Contact with the other side in writing or with a recap email.
• Recording-consent rule checked before any recording.
• Treating providers kept out of the case.

Check your state

• Whether deleting or hiding posts can count as destroying evidence where you are.
• Whether your state is one-party or all-party for recording, and whether the rule changes for phone calls versus in-person.
• Which privileges your state recognizes for therapists, social workers, and physicians. New York's CPLR 4504, 4507, and 4508 are one example.
• Whether your state has special rules about contacting employees of a represented organization.
• How your agreement or the arbitrator's orders treat confidentiality of mediation.

Next: Chapter 12, Damages, realistically.

Sources

• 18 U.S.C. 2511 (federal interception law, one-party consent)
• Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press, Introduction to the Reporter's Recording Guide
• New York Penal Law 250.00 (eavesdropping definitions)
• New York Penal Law 250.05 (eavesdropping)
• New York CPLR 4504 (physician-patient privilege)
• New York CPLR 4507 (psychologist privilege)
• New York CPLR 4508 (social worker privilege)
• FRCP 26 (work product, as a model)
• AAA Employment Arbitration Rules (R-33 evidence and privilege)